The Great Wall of Vanity.

I admire adaptability, the actors of the world who can change what they let people see about them, fooling others into believing a truth that doesn't exist in any way at all. I enjoy being versatile but on no level close to the best, before it sounds like I'm trying to stand on a podium with these masters of their art. Some of the performances I've put on may actually be award worthy thinking back on it.

I'm growing more tired of life, the prospects of the future, the paths I can pick out compared to a life I'd actually want to have. Most days I find myself overcome with feelings of disdain for every minor infraction or occurrence around me, I feel like I want an escape and the old methods don't work any more and I'm running out of ideas. I want to live a life filled with meaning and do something that matters, impact the world positively, the more I read into the past the more I find out how recently this world has been for the lack of a better word, ugly. Despite how long we've existed we truly are still infants in the grand scheme of things and with that brings ignorance and intolerance on a scale that depresses me, violence and experimentation that disgusts me beyond words and a system the world runs off that's well and truly broken. We're not the good guys and we never were, that isn't new to me at all but delve into that, use this grand worldwide search engine and look at things, we, as people have got away with in the last hundred years alone. Atrocities, pure evil, and for what? Power, appeasement, and vanity.

I'm supposed to go about daily life, working five days a week and struggling every fucking minute of the day because what I do doesn't matter, even if I change that I'm terrified because I know whatever I do will never be enough for me. Just give me a good thing to die for, one thing, make my life worth something on the way out, I don't care about praise or legacy and I don't need to be remembered at all, it would be better than wasting away miserably in a shadow of something greater.