From Here On Out.

Why bother with mediation any more? When all it brings is distinct unhappiness, I may as well begin to ignore this horrible situation and do what feels right even when I know it's wrong. Yet this isn't a situation that brings no repercussions, quite the opposite in this case, a giant mess and shit storm of terrible things that will probably make this itching feeling pale in comparison. After all, digging yourself into a black hole of debt is never advisable, just preferable at this time in life.

When left with no other solution, this is the only thing that makes sense to me, either continue on with no money, or add to the damage I've already caused with the fee's handed out by those ghastly government types, claiming: 'We'll take you in! Teach you the final parts of your education and let you have a good time doing it!' When in reality even the ignorant knew to take the claims with a large pinch of salt, maybe even pepper too. Yet over a year and a half in, these feelings still eat away at the back of my mind, taking up valuable space that could go towards something worthwhile, even if I'm in no state to express what exactly.

Life itself is a wonderful thing filled with so many variables that it's possible to turn your entire life upside down in the very second I write this, and when you find yourself in a situation that you like, it sometimes becomes impossible to shift yourself from the normalities you've become comfortably accustomed too, with that said, I still have the complete ability to do whatever I want, I just choose not to with many of the worse things. Regardless of this, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I'm giving up on what that shriveled brain of mine says is the right answer, and going with the complete opposite, a dangerous opposite that could potentially have effects on my life for years to come, but who really cares about that now, if you continue on with enough money to live comfortably what does it matter? Money clearly being the keyword here, the thing that controls practically every persons life worldwide on this formerly-blue but now Black ball floating around space, why the change? Because we're all controlled by money, and that doesn't warrant a calming colour anymore.

Far from believing the 'Life with no material possessions' is a good idea, albeit admirable nonetheless, I'm left with that choice to plunge myself further into darkness, or continue on, penny less and miserable.

The choice is obvious, I'm going out in style.